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No matter how we grew up, we’re coming into our relationship with our own…stuff. Conflict is the perfect topic to dive into what I mean when I say this. Which one of these 3 real-life examples of how people show up in their relationship resonates with you?
SC Participant 1: Opposites Attract. My parents yelled and were direct when it came to fights with each other. One of the things Seven Circles helped us realize is that my boyfriend’s family was nonconfrontational. We never talked about this before, but all of a sudden we were able to recognize that when we’re fighting, what we need in those moments is different. I need validation and he needs space. It also came up that sometimes when I communicate, he considers it yelling while I consider it just talking. We’re actively working on how to meet each other halfway instead of pushing each other’s buttons.
Seven Circles Participant 2: Loud and…Not Too Proud. My partner and I come from very similar loud, large, Jewish families. Seven Circles helped us understand that we both think we’re communicating well just because we’re talking a lot at each other. In reality, we weren’t framing our feelings well to each other, we were just trying to be the loudest or the last to speak. We’re using the Active Listening skills we learned as much as possible, so we have equal, dedicated time to communicate with each other.
Seven Circles Participant 3: Same Styles, Not Ideal. My husband and I both grew up with similar conflict modeled in our house – no conflict. Our parents definitely fought (mine especially – they’re divorced!) but we never saw it. Since we’re both even-tempered people, we both actively try to avoid conflict. We’ve come to realize that if we are avoiding conflict, we’re avoiding necessary communication, sometimes about small things and sometimes about big, important things. Understanding that if we avoid conflict as it bubbles up it will only take on its own life and push us apart instead of growing together but we’re working on it!
Bottom line: nobody is perfect at conflict but that’s why communication is so important. Seven Circles can really help you dive into why you communicate the way you do, and how you can start thinking about how to be even stronger communicators, especially around conflict. If you haven’t started your Seven Circles journey yet, start today!
Author: Jordyn is the Director of Community Education for SHALVA. She oversees all things Seven Circles. In the conflict realm, she most identifies with participant 3 above!
