Creating Tradition: Top Tips to Blend Family Traditions During the High Holidays

Blending traditions can be one of the most difficult things to figure out in a relationship. Our memories are tied to these traditions, and they are often all we know, so finding a way to weave them with someone else’s is tricky. Like many topics we write about at Seven Circles, communication is key. As we enter this period that is filled with Jewish holidays, now is a great time to deepen your connection with your partner. Find space to discuss the High Holidays together (a great convo for Jewish and interfaith/multifaith couples!) and use these tips to help navigate the conversation:

-Open the Convo with Curiosity. Dive into what the High Holidays looked like for you growing up. What was important to you? What wasn’t? Encourage questions and bring curiosity to what your partner is sharing. Are either of you not Jewish? Allow space to discuss other religious or spiritual customs that are important!

-Find Common Ground. Look for commonality within your traditions. Themes of gratitude or forgiveness, the importance of a specific food, inviting family in, to name just a few.

-Be Flexible & Inclusive. Flexibility is key when blending traditions. Be open to modifying customs to make them more inclusive for both partners. For example, if your families observe different prayers, or even different religions, consider alternating between important prayers or integrating both into your celebrations. This way, everyone feels represented and valued.

-Create a New Tradition Together. Find something brand new to incorporate that represents you both equally. For example, find a song you both love, with themes from the holiday, that you can play as you bring out dessert.

-Reflect and Adjust. Traditions, especially new ones, aren’t set in stone. Post-High Holidays, have a special date night dedicated to how your time together was. What did you love? What can you adjust and make even more special next year?

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Author: Jordyn Scorpio is SHALVA's Director of Community Education. She loves talking about blending her Jewish traditions with her Catholic husband's traditions!